Category Archives: humor

Volcano Viewing Etiquette

There is an etiquette to watching the spectacle of molten lava flowing into the ocean (as described in the post “New Vents in Kilauea Volcano Spout Fountains of Lava”). Here are my top five tips for good volcano viewing manners:

  1. Come prepared. Walking out to a recently hardened field of lava to watch another, active field of lava is about as rugged as terrain gets. No one is waiting there with a tray of cool towels and cocktails. Bring your own water, snacks, sunscreen, hat, jacket, tushie cushion, and wear sturdy shoes.
  2. Down in front. Crowding up to the front of barrier erected by the park service seems like a good idea, but it actually just blocks everyone’s view. A lava field isn’t stadium seating. Plus, all those flash pictures of your partner in the dark with the lava flow a mile in the distance will still be dark, even if you take one more.
  3. Aim your flashlight at your feet. Pointing your flashlight up into other people’s eyes does help you to see them, but then they are blinded. If you really want don’t want to trip and fall into a deep crevice of sharp lava, aim your flashlight on the ground just in front of your feet.
  4. Don’t throw rocks. This may seem obvious, but just in case it’s not, lava stones are sharp, jagged and could easily take someone’s eye out. That could put a real damper on watching Pele, the Hawaiian goddess of fire, in action.
  5. Pack out what you pack in. Leaving trash, empty bottles and soiled toilet paper on newly formed land is pretty insulting, as is taking home pieces of it for souvenirs. According to local lore Pele will find you, and in case you hadn’t noticed, she’s pretty powerful.

My Dog Scoots

My dog scoots his butt across the floor.  I called the vet to find out why.  Turns out it’s called “expressing the anal glands”.  To stop him, the veterinary technician is going to clean out my dog’s butt.

How much does it cost to have someone stick their finger in my dog’s butt?  $18.75.

Downright reasonable.

Fertility Woes and Baby Hopes

By Heidi Pfister

I was deleting my old email drafts and came across this almost two- year old email, which I never actually sent to the intended recipients…don’t know why. Now my baby, Penelope, will be one year old in about a month, which makes it even more amusing to read than if I had I sent it when I wrote it. The email subject line read “fertility woes and baby hopes”.

This is an update on my efforts to conceive, and so much has happened in the past few weeks that I’d like to update all of you in one e-mail. If clinical info makes you squeamish, stop reading here!

Earlier this month, I found out that my ovaries are “old”, my uterus lining is too thin, and none of that matters because my cervix is too acidic to let sperm survive long enough to get to an egg anyway.

I found this out after a series of doctor visits that included multiple blood draws, an ultrasound of my ovaries, and an extremely painful procedure to examine my fallopian tubes. I screamed during that event, and said out loud, “Why am I trying so hard to have a baby if childbirth is
going to feel worse than this?!!”

However…there is a bright side. My 36-year old ovaries are now performing well thanks to fertility medication, and we have bypassed the cervix issue by undergoing intrauterine insemination. The procedure took place yesterday, and now we wait. I pray it works because I really don’t want to go through all this again. And I really don’t want to have to pay $17,000 for in vitro fertilization!

That’s where it ended. And now that I think about it, I know why I didn’t send it: I didn’t want to jinx myself!

Gotta go…Penelope’s waking up from her nap. 🙂

Love to all of you trying to get pregnant,
Heidi

Heidi Pfister is a new mommy and guest blogger. This is her first entry.